The importance of godly friendships for modern-day Christians.
I can remember my first “best friend” from school. We were both in the same first-grade class…or maybe it was kindergarten.
We laughed, played, and shared lollipops on the playground. When I got home, my mother knew her name and what we’d done that day.
Needless to say, this friendship didn’t last. With every other grade, I felt like I was adjusting and new friends came and went.
You may feel like this in your adult life. Maybe you’ve been hurt, betrayed, or abandoned by a “friend.” Maybe you feel like you just can’t find your tribe…even among Christians.
I remember speaking to a young woman and she mentioned how hard it is to find great friends in today’s “superficial society.”
While there are people who will never have your best interest at heart, there are also people who will. These people will feel God sent (because they are). I promise you’ll recognize them when they come into your life.
I know this from experience. God has richly blessed me with godly friendships that I am thankful for every single day. God has used these women to positively shape my Christian walk. And He has used me to help them in theirs. That’s the beauty of godly friendships. But, we’ll get to that.
If you’re still struggling to find your tribe of godly friends then this article is for you. In this article, I will help you separate the wheat from the chaff.
We will:
- Define godly friendships and look at some biblical examples.
- Explore what God says about godly friendships
- Discuss how you can be a good friend yourself (this is just as important as finding a friend)
What is a godly friendship?
This might seem like a no-brainer. You may think that a godly friendship is having a friend who also loves God. It is, but it’s also so much more.
Let me explain.
When I was in medical school, I didn’t know anyone in my class when I arrived. I remember during orientation, we did some icebreakers.
My memory of the exact details is vague. During a session on diversity, one of the icebreakers involved us getting into groups based on our backgrounds.
We were assigned the task of presenting to others what we wished other groups of people knew about us. I remember that there were groups of Christians that gathered.
I went over to that group feeling like this was where I belonged and I could meet some friends that shared the same faith.
The icebreaker went well. However, I realized that although we shared the same faith, we had nothing else in common. I didn’t make any friends in that group.
And that’s my point. A godly friend isn’t just someone who shares the Christian faith with you. Just like every ministry isn’t for every person, every person is not meant to be your friend.
The people someone else reaches through their blog or church, I may be unable to. The same goes for friendships. God made us in a variety pack.
But, when He creates godly friendships, it’s like pieces of a puzzle fitting together to glorify Him. It’s the person whose walk with Christ intertwines with yours. To further explain, let’s take a look at what the Bible says about godly friendships.
What does the bible say about godly friendships?
Below I have listed a few scriptures that offer advice and wisdom regarding friendship. These bible verses about friendship provide knowledge and understanding as we use the spirit of discernment to evaluate our relationships.
*All bible verses obtained from biblegateway.com, NIV version is used.
Proverbs 18:24- One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 27:6- Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses
Proverbs 17:17- A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
Proverbs 16:28- A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.
Proverbs 27:9- Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.
Proverbs 12:26- The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.
John 15:13- Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
John 15:15- I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
Luke 6:31- Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12- Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
1 Corinthians 15:33- Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
Romans 12:10- Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Colossians 3:13-14- Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Now that we have reviewed some scriptures related to godly friendships, let’s review what qualities we should be looking for in a godly friend.
[H2] Characteristics of a godly friend?
Growing up my mother would warn “Not everyone is your friend.” I don’t know if this stemmed from her own experience with a friendship that went sour or advice my grandparents gave her.
I’ve never asked. But, the advice holds true.
Jesus warns that He sends us as sheep among wolves (Matthew 10:16). Some people will use and abuse a “friendship” for their own personal gain.
But, we should take heart in finding genuine people to surround ourselves with. God has given us the spirit of discernment and His word as a guiding light for any and every endeavor we face.
This includes building beautiful friendships with the correct people.
Using the scriptures above, here are some qualities of a godly friend.
1. Godly friends exhibit the fruits of the Spirit
I will preface this by saying no one is perfect and no one is Jesus.
But, you can tell what type of person you’re dealing with based on the fruits they produce. A good tree bears good fruit, a bad or rotten tree bears the opposite.
Galatians 5:22-23 tells us the fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Is the person of interest loving and do they bring joy and peace? Do they display gentleness and self-control?
Again, we aren’t looking for perfection because none of us fits the bill. However, you do want to surround yourselves with people who display or strive to display many of these characteristics.
As 1 Corinthians 15:33 says above, bad company corrupts good character. Strive to be around people who will inspire you to be your best.
2. Godly friends point you toward God
As stated above, keep company with people who will help to move you in God’s direction. This is essential for your growth in your Christian walk.
Believe me, there will be days when you feel discouraged, unable to hear God, and unable to feel Him. There will be days when you feel like the enemy is winning and you want to give up.
It’s in those days that God uses those friends to strengthen and encourage you to persevere until you get your breakthrough.
3. Godly friends are reliable
Reliability is important in any relationship. There’s nothing like having someone who you feel you can depend on.
I caution against unreasonable expectations though. There will be times when your friend is unable to pick up the phone. This doesn’t make the person a bad friend.
It’s human. Don’t put people on a throne only meant for God.
From a kingdom perspective, the person never picked up the phone because God never meant for them to. Instead of you running to your friends, God may be teaching you to run to Him first.
Nevertheless, a godly friend is one that you can rely on in the deepest of valleys and highest of mountains.
4. Godly friends do not gossip
Growing up, I observed some of the adults around me gossip about people in our small town.
Gossiping is fruitless. It has the potential to cause great harm and sometimes what’s heard is not true.
Jesus is more interested in helping people, not talking about them and/or their situations. We should be too.
In pointing each other towards Jesus, godly friends have better ways to spend their time. Much like the woman of Proverbs 31.
Be sure you are setting your mind on the things above and not on the things below (Colossians 3:2).
5. Godly friends encourage you
Medical school was a struggle. But, I had the opportunity to be a mentor to students coming after me. One in particular, we are great friends now.
I also had friends who were a class or two ahead of me and we poured into each other.
With every call, there was godly encouragement. Facing seven to eight-hour exams and feeling overwhelmed, two or three gathered and believed God and stood on His promises.
Of course, He kept his word seeing all of us through. Each of us is done with training and thriving in our careers.
He’ll do the same for you in whatever He has called you to.
6. They correct you in love
Remember when I said that nobody is perfect? If not, here it goes again. We will all make mistakes.
Godly friends don’t gossip about you when you do. They also don’t judge and condemn you. Instead, they correct you in love.
So what does correcting someone in love look like? Here’s a personal example.
I have the tendency to be blunt and it doesn’t always come across as kindness. One of my friends noted this.
She didn’t call me mean. She didn’t go to our other friends or people and gossip. She came to me in conversation one day.
She stated how she admired my assertiveness and ability to stand up for myself. Then she told me what she had observed stating that it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, I just needed to be aware and go about it a different way.
Whenever someone upset me, I would tell her what I was going to say. She would laugh and then offer me a different way of expressing my feelings. I learned from her.
Also vice versa. I was concerned that people were abusing her kindness and called it out. Thus, she would tell me about scenarios and we would come up with a response together.
This helped both of us grow personally and spiritually. Another benefit of having a godly friendship.
7. Godly friends pray with and for you
I remember trying to console a friend during a difficult time in her life. When trying to help friends, I always ask God (in my head) for the words needed to speak to their hearts.
In some instances, my mind was blank as I sat staring at someone I loved with a broken heart. I had no words. But, I knew who did.
In those moments, we went onto the battlefield together yielding one of the most powerful weapons a Christian could….prayer.
Biblical examples of godly friendships
Let’s take a look at a few friendships from the Bible.
David and Jonathan
This is probably one of the most well-known friendships in the Bible.
As a recap, Jonathan was the son of Saul, the first king of Israel. God took the kingdom away from Saul as a result of his disobedience and gave it to David.
However, David and Jonathan formed a formidable friendship. It was Jonathan who chose to do what was right and warn David when Saul pursued him without any wrongdoing on his part.
David’s only charge was being on the other side of Saul’s insecurities and jealousy.
In fact, Saul threw his spear at Jonathan accusing him of being on David’s side (which he was).
This friendship reminds us of Proverbs 18:24 where there was a friend who stuck closer to David than a brother.
Daniel, Shadrach, Meschach, and Abendego
Because of their sin against God, Jerusalem fell to Babylon. Daniel and his friends were among the captives. And though they were chosen to serve in the king of Babylon’s court, they continued to follow God.
One night, the king of Babylon had a dream. He called upon his wise men to not only tell him the dream but also provide an interpretation of it. When they failed, he ordered the execution of all the wise men in Babylon.
Facing death, Daniel asked his friends to seek God with him for a solution. God heard them and provided the dream and its meaning.
When Daniel told King Nebuchadnezzar, he was given authority over the entire province of Babylon and made the leader of the wise men. Daniel didn’t forget his friends, however.
At Daniel’s request, they were made administrators over the province of Babylon (Daniel 2 NIV).
In the following chapter, the faith of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendego is tested. King Nebuchadnezzar had built a gold statue and decreed that when they heard instrumental music, they were to bow.
Shadrach, Meschach, and Abendego refused. Thus, they were all tied and sent into a burning furnace that was so hot, it killed the men who threw them in there.
When Nebuchadnezzar looked, he saw 4 men walking in the fire unharmed when three were thrown in.
All in all, the friendship of these men glorified God showing foreign nations the sovereignty and power of the Lord.
Jesus and Humanity
Jesus offers us His friendship. He reveals Himself to us, carries us, intercedes for us, and fights for us. And this is after He laid down his life for ours saving us from the punishment of sin and death.
How to be a good Christian friend
Before we start to close, I wanted to speak about being a good friend. Similar to dating, when we’re looking for godly relationships, we must also make sure we are what we seek.
If you want a godly friendship, you must know how to be a godly friend. Friendship isn’t one-sided, it’s a two-way street.
Here are a few tips…a heart check if you will on being a godly friend. If you have any others, let me know in the comments.
- Make God your friend first. No relationship should take the throne of your heart besides the relationship between you and God. God wants you to run to him first on your worst day. Ensure you’re nurturing your time with God and building a relationship with Him upon which all your other relationships will stand.
- Accept and love the person God created you to be. I say this because I’ve seen many friendships that comparison and jealousy have poisoned. You can check out my blog post on envy and jealousy if you need some encouragement in this area.
- To find your tribe, you must know yourself. Know your likes and dislikes. Don’t try to conform to a specific group. Be true to the beautiful person God created you to be and the right people will come.
- Pray for your friends as well as yourself.
- Put others above yourself (be selfless).
- Be consistent and show up when needed.
- Love as you love yourself.
- Exercise patience
Prayer for Godly Friendship
Dear God,
Thank you for the gift of friendship. More importantly, thank you for your friendship with us.
God your word says that it’s not good for man to be alone. We know that we were created to interact with and love others.
God our prayer is that you help us to identify godly friendships when you present them. We pray that you help us to cherish and nourish the ones that you’ve already blessed us with.
This we pray in Jesus’s name,
Amen
Final Thoughts on Godly Friendships
And there you have it. I hope this article did its job of providing you with insight into what a godly friendship looks like and how you can ensure you’re being a godly friend yourself.
Until next time,
Dr. Jay.
